Special Edition of Whose Line is it Anyway!
by Beretta 92FS
Summary: Season Two Finally Begins! Quistis, Reno, Jecht, and FFX-2 Yuna will entertain you this time around!
1. Da beginnin

FINAL FANTASY EDITION OF "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"!  
  
Whose Line is it Anyway is the property of ABC  
  
Final Fantasy and its characters are the property of Square and Co  
  
Various 8-Bit Theatre Stereotypes are the property of Brian Clevenger - http://www.nuklearpower.com/comic  
  
Drew Carey and Anne Robinson are the property of…um…themselves  
  
James Bond is the property of Ian Flemming, MGM/UA  
  
The Weakest Link is the property of either ABC, NBC, or CBS O_o  
  
(Whose Line theme plays)  
  
Drew: Hello everybody and welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway!  
  
(Camera focusses on contestants)  
  
My name is Strife, Cloud Strife!  
  
(Cloud waves)  
  
This isn't mission difficult Mr. Hunt, it's Selphie Tillmit!  
  
(Selphie gives the peace sign)  
  
If ya wanna spy, you better spy Cid Highwind!  
  
(Cid gives thumbs up)  
  
Bang! You're dead! It's Rikku!  
  
And I'm your host Drew Carey, come on let's have som fun!  
  
(Drew sits down)  
  
Drew: Heey, and welcome to a special Final Fantasy edition of Whose Line. What's gonna happen here is these performers are gonna come out here and play games, then after I give them these fakey points, what don't mean a thing. That's right, they're useless…just like wondering what gender Zidane is.  
  
(Laughter)  
  
Anyways, after the show we choose a winner, and the winner gets to do a little something special with me!  
  
("Woot"ing from the crowd)  
  
And the loser gets to watch out for the cops.  
  
(Laughter, Cid lights up a cig)  
  
Alright, we're gonna start off with Weird Newscasters! This game is for all four of you. Rikku, you're gonna be the anchor of a news type show, and Cloud's gonna be your co-anchor. Cloud, your multiple personalities are fighting over who gets to run the show. Oh, and it says here-  
  
Cloud: Yeah yeah…  
  
Drew: Selphie, you're doing sports. You're Anne Robinson on her period.  
  
And Cid, you're doing the weather. You're de-evolving each time you use the letter E.  
  
(Cid spits out his cigarette)  
  
(Theme plays)  
  
Rikku: Hello and welcome to the 12:57am news! I've been without any for 47 days, god help me. Our top story tonight – A man who sent a birthday card with the joke return adress "456 Powder Drive, Intoxicated City California", is being charged with terrorism. The US Postal Service discovered this when they opened up the card to take the money inside.  
  
(Laughter)  
  
And now, I believe my co-anchor Jack Hoff has a report for us! Jack?  
  
Cloud: (Title: "Multiple personalities fight each other" is displayed) (Granny voice) Well thank you young child. Something about your last story interrests me (Crazed killer voice) Because it involves DEATH! Lots of DEATH! And (Imitating Jeff Goldblum) If-if-if er um Ih-ih-ih-it's quite alright with you, I'd just like to (Brittish accent) No! Anthrax! (Falls off chair, lies on back, pretends something is coming out of his stomach) Oh no….not again….(Passes out)  
  
Rikku: (Sweatdrops) Er..okay! Now let's go on over to our sports correspondant! Anne? What have you got for us?  
  
Selphie: (Title: "Anne Robinson on her period" is displayed) If there's anything I can't stand, it's people like you asking me questions! I'm the bloody host, I ASK THE QUESTIONS! Now you! (Indicates Drew) What is the estimated IQ of the common male?  
  
Drew: Er…um…150?  
  
Selphie: WRONG! Negitive five! You! (Indicates Cloud) How many tennis lesbians can you fit into an elevator?  
  
Cloud: (As James Bond) Agent Double-O-Seven…  
  
Selphie: Incorrect! You are the weakest link, get lost!  
  
Rikku: Alright, that's quite enough! And now we've got one heck of a weird weekend weather coming up! Evo Lution, tell us about it!  
  
Cid: (Title: "De-Evolves whenever he uses the Letter E) Okay Rikku. Tonight, our (Bleeped out) weather (He slouches slightly) Is gonna, you know, go all funny and weird (He gets on his knees). Rain bad. Rain all weekend. (He flops around on the floor) Bloop! Bloop! Bloopey! (He gets back up) Just like finding out what gender Zidane is, the points don't matter!  
  
(Drew keeps pressing the buzzer, indicating the end of game)  
  
Drew: Alright, that was great. 5000 points go to the censor. Buddy, you're doing a great job of ruining people's viewing experience, keep it up!  
  
Alright, our next game, is Whose Line. We actually have a game called Whose Line on Whose Line. This game's for Cloud and Cid. Now what these guys are gonna do is act out a scene, but they have to use these random lines that the audicence came up with at some point during the skit (He hands them their lines, they stuff them away). Now, here's your scene. Cloud is James Bond, strapped to a table, while Cid, is the evil villain that reveals his evil plot for world domination. Whenever you're ready, you can start.  
  
Cid: A-ha! Welcome Mr. Bond to my underground lair, where I well tell you my evil plan for world domination and then put you in a death machine that does not work! Bwahahaha!  
  
Cloud: (Shrugs) Alright then  
  
(Cloud lies down on the ground)  
  
Cid: You've come to your end Mr. Bond! No one can save you now!  
  
Cloud: No, wait! Tell me your evil plot for world domination!  
  
Cid: You really want to know? Alright Mr. Bond, I'll tell you my plan. My plan is to unleash upon the world, my weapon so foul, so cruel…I named it (He pulls out a line) "No I did not have sexual relations with that toaster!"  
  
Cloud: Dear god that's evil!  
  
Cid: Indeed it is. Bwahahaha!  
  
Cloud: But…you know you'll never get away with it.  
  
Cid: Huh? Why not?  
  
Cloud: Because we british have a saying…and that saying is (Pulls out a line) "Why don't you and the frickin laser get a room for god's sake!" ….I think QE2 was talking to Camilla and Charles at the time.  
  
Cid: Oh I'll give you a laser alright. Look up, what do you see?  
  
Cloud: ….A laser?  
  
Cid: Exactly! Do you know what was the last words of the person who I tested it on?  
  
Cloud: Not really  
  
Cid: His exact words were (Pulls out a line) "All my other boyfriends called me Rex!"….He was my ex-boyfriend, and I just had to kill him  
  
Cloud: You choose men? You're eviler than I thought!  
  
Cid: How dare you insult me! You should be begging for mercy!  
  
Cloud: You think so? Well when I utter the secret phrase, secret troops will rush in and save me!  
  
Cid: Hahahaha! There is no escape for you!  
  
Cloud: (Pulls out a line, starts yelling it) "I WANT MY BABY BACK BABY BACK BABY BACK RIBS!"  
  
(Drew buzzes) 


	2. You say there's more! D00d!

Drew: Okaaaay, not bad. Thousand points goes out to all the men named Rex! Alright, now, next game, all time favorite – Scenes from a hat! You guys know the drill. Starting out with…  
  
"Things you'll never hear an FF character say"  
  
(Cid walks up)  
  
Cid: (As himself) Cigarettes will kill you, you stupid !$#!@!!  
  
(Buzzer, Rikku walks up)  
  
Rikku: (Puts on Auron's sunglasses) Tidus, you're a whiney brainless little fag!  
  
(Buzzer, Cloud walks up)  
  
Cloud: (Puts on Irvine's hat) Would you like to have hot sweaty sex with me? Naah, let's play parcheesi  
  
(Buzzer, Selphie glares at Cloud. She walks up)  
  
Selphie: (Imitating Tifa) Um…Cloud? Maybe if we water it, it'll grow?  
  
(Buzzer, whooting from crowd. Selphie gives Cloud the peace sign)  
  
Drew: Okaay…"Bad songs to serenade your date with"  
  
(Rikku walks up)  
  
"Tiiiidus! You better pleasure me for this food!"  
  
(Buzzer, Cid walks up)  
  
"Why, god why, did you bless me with impotence?"  
  
(Buzzer, Selphie walks up)  
  
"Gueeess what Irvy? I'm pregnant!"  
  
(Buzzer, Cloud walks up)  
  
Cloud: Daaamn, those are big!  
  
(More hooting, Cloud walks off)  
  
Drew: Alright…"Other things Scarlet could have named the Mako Cannon"  
  
(Cloud walks back up)  
  
Cloud: Daaamn, those are big!  
  
(Buzzer, Selphie walks up)  
  
Selphie: The Super Duper Pleasure Tron 5000!  
  
(Whooting and cheering, Drew falls off his chair laughing)  
  
Drew: Heh heh…alright. "What the surgeons really talk about while you're gassed"  
  
(Rikku walks up)  
  
Rikku: Have you seen my wedding ring? Garry? Jim?….Uh-oh…  
  
(Buzzer, Cid walks up)  
  
Cid: His kidney's the big red pumpy thing, right?  
  
(Buzzer, Cloud walks up)  
  
Cloud: I wield a big ass sword! Of COURSE I'm skilled enough to remove his apendix! And here we go! Hup! Hup! Oh SHIT!  
  
Drew: Hmm…"Children's books that didn't make it."  
  
(Selphie walks up)  
  
Selphie: The Magical Land inside the Abandoned Refrigerator!  
  
(Buzzer, Cid walks up)  
  
Cid: The Golden Book of Attaining Respect Through Fear!  
  
(Buzzer, Cloud walks up)  
  
Cloud: You've got Hepatitis B Charlie Brown!  
  
(Buzzer, Rikku walks up)  
  
Rikku: Four Letter Words of Fun!  
  
(Buzzer, Cid walks back up)  
  
Cid: You're Different – And That's BAD!  
  
(Buzzer, end of game)  
  
Drew: Okay! That was great. Ten thousand Canadian points for Cloud and his big ass sword! Know what that means?  
  
Cloud: …?  
  
Drew: It's worthless, just like regular points. HA HA!  
  
Alright, moving right along…okay, we're gonna play Party Quirks! This is also for all four of you. Selphie, you're gonna be the host of a party, and the other three are gonna be the guests, and we'll ring them in one by one. But they've all got a strange quirk or identity, and you have to guess what they are.  
  
(The trio look at their envelopes, and offer mixed feelings. Cid seems ready to tear his paper apart)  
  
Whenever you're ready, start the party!  
  
Selphie: (Runs around, setting up various things)  
  
(Doorbell rings)  
  
Selphie: Meep! (Pulls up some invisible clothes, then answers the door)  
  
Rikku: Hi! (Subtitle – "Thinks peoples chests are jukeboxes" appears) Wow, you sure haven't got any good stuff! Let me see what you've got… (Starts poking varoius parts of Selphie's…er…um…funbags)  
  
Selphie: (Sweatdrops) Er…I'm not your mother?  
  
(Doorbell)  
  
Rikku: Maybe your cat has something I like! (Scurries to one end of the stage)  
  
Selphie: Right! Hiii!  
  
Cloud: I offer you a +5/+5 greeting of friendship! (Subtitle – "The entire cast of 8-Bit Theatre" appears – Cloud walks in, then goes back to the door)  
  
Selphie: (Nods somewhat) Uh, yeah, nice to see you too!  
  
Cloud: Ding dong!  
  
Selphie: (Answers it)  
  
Cloud: Whoa, nice pad babe! Care to show me your love shack tootz?  
  
Selphie: Er…maybe later  
  
(Cloud walks in further, Rikku approaches him)  
  
Rikku: Come on, sing the song I want! (Pokes at Cloud's chest)  
  
Cloud: (Blinks some) Whoa, I think I like you already!  
  
Selphie: His chest isn't a jukebox!  
  
Drew: (Rings buzzer) Yes!  
  
Cloud: (Appears at the doorway again, doesn't knock, simply knocks down the invisible door with his fist) Muahaha…I am the Evil one! The Evil…er…um…bad guy adversary person, yeah…(Walks in)  
  
(Doorbell goes)  
  
Selphie: Hiii there!  
  
Cid: (Subtitle – "Gets Horny when he hears Selphie's voice" appears) Well hey hey hey! Nice to see you too! Where's the grub?  
  
Selphie: Right over there!  
  
Cid: Thank you, you sweet little thing! (Munches invisible food)  
  
Cloud: (Walks up to Selphie) Your spiked punch has delt a –3/-3 blow to my defense statistics!  
  
Selphie: Get your 8-Bit pixiled asses out of my house!  
  
Drew: (Rings buzzer) One more to go!  
  
Cid: (Puts his arms all over Selphie) Oh Selphie, my god, (He moans)  
  
Selphie: Aah! No! Go away!  
  
Cid: (He moans louder) I need to change my pants soon…  
  
Selphie: My voice isn't sexy you pervert! (Slaps Cid)  
  
Drew: (Buzzer) Three for three! 


	3. Whoa! NEW CAST ^_^

Heey, we got to go to commercial, when we come back, a whole new cast of characters will join us for the next four games! We'll be right back!  
  
  
  
What happens when a group of Final Fantasy Seven characters who hold a grudge against other characters get locked into a mansion together? Dozens of miscarages and plenty of laughs! Join us tonight at nine for FF7 Big Brother! An AngelShattered production!  
  
  
  
(Whose Line theme plays)  
  
Drew: Welcome back! We got ourselves a new cast! Say hello to…  
  
Squall Leonhart!  
  
(Squall waves lightly)  
  
Yuffie Kiseragi!  
  
(Yuffie poses all kawaii)  
  
Black Mage!  
  
(Black Mage starts shocking random people in the audience)  
  
And Irvine Kinneas!  
  
(Irvine tilts his hat and waves)  
  
Drew: Okaaay. Let's get right into the thick of it, with a game we like to call Show Stopping Number! This one's for BM, Yuffie, and Irvine. What's gonna happen is these guys are gonna act out a scene, but when I I press the buzzer, they have to make a broadway song out of the last line that was used. Scene is…jittery airplane passenger Black Mage seems to be disturbing the other passengers. Yuffie, the flight attendant is called to help out, and Irvine the pilot, shows up later. Whenever you're ready, start out..  
  
BM: (Reading a magazine) Damnit, these pussies don't do anything for me…  
  
Yuffie: Excuse me sir? You're bothering the other passengers.  
  
BM: Excuse me tootz, but I paid five thousand samolians to piss people off wherever the hell I wanted!  
  
Yuffie: Well gawd, can't you be a little nice?  
  
BM: Fraid not babe, it's in my genes  
  
(Drew Buzzes – Music starts)  
  
BM: It's In my genes! Bu-da-dump-da-dum! It's in my genes! Bu-da-dump-da- dum! Oooh but don't you get all messy, cause baby this here's nessy, maybe I'll let you into my JEEEeeeEEans!  
  
(Music ends)  
  
Yuffie: Ah! Now I see why the passengers kept calling! You're a total whore!  
  
BM: Ah you know you want it. That's what the last attentent kept telling me, and she joined the TWO mile high club!  
  
(wh00ting from the crowd)  
  
Irvine: (Dashes in) I'm Irvine, the pilot! I show up late!  
  
(Drew buzzes – Music starts again)  
  
Irvine: Dum de de de do! Oh I'm Irvine, the pilot! I fly big planes around! Never little bitty planes, always bis ass jets! Cause baby, you know it, when we do iiiiit! Your Grand Canyon can't compete with my Seven-Fourty- Seveeeeeen!  
  
(Music ends)  
  
Irvine: Is this the man slut I kept hearing about?  
  
BM: No, try the cockpit  
  
Yuffie: That's him! That's the asshole  
  
(By now the contestants are trying to think up the zanist things hoping that Drew'll buzz on them)  
  
Irvine: That's him? I can't believe it!  
  
BM: Yyyep, me and my big frompy hat!  
  
Yuffie: …Er, I hate your hat!  
  
Squall: (Pissed off) Hurry up and ring the damn buzzer!  
  
(Drew Buzes – Music starts)  
  
Squall: Oh how I wish you'd hit that buzz! Oh how I wish that the carpet wasn't full o fuzz! Cause sittin up here watching these sad SOBs perfooooooooooorm! Makes you kinda wish the plane'd blow up and diEEEE- aieeeeee!!  
  
(Drew makes final buzz, people returm)  
  
Drew: That was excelent. A bajillion points to Squall for being a good sport!  
  
Squall: Whatever  
  
Yuffie: (Gasps) Don't get started you!  
  
Drew: Okaay, next game, Press conference! This game's for all four of you. Irvine's gonna be giving a press conference, but he doesn't know what he is, and these three guys gotta give him hints as to what he is. Whever you're ready, start  
  
Irvine: (Standing at a podium) Alright, I haven't got a whole lotta time, let's get this started! (Subtitle – "James Bond has become a father" )  
  
Yuffie: Marg Delahuntie, Midgar Brocasting. We all just heard the news, how does this bode well with the Miss?  
  
Irvine: Well, I gotta be honest, she wasn't too pleased. I guess that's what a case of beer and some pizza'll do to a man!  
  
Squall: Laguna Loire, Timber Maniacs. How is the Spy who loved you?  
  
Irvine: Well see, after the car wreck, she started taking up drinking, on account of the fact it scarred her face for life. We're afraid of what that'll do to the town's beer supply.  
  
BM: Professor Unne, Corneria University. Are you afraid that this move will jeopardize your international recognition among women?  
  
Irvine: Oh I really don't know. I don't care frankley. Women are ALWAYS second best! At least when it comes to scarfing down tequilas anyway.  
  
Yuffie: Some say you should live and let live, some say you should just let the damn thing die. Your thoughts?  
  
Irvine: Ooooh no! Mister Eel and the twin bongos aren't retiring yet!  
  
BM: So you're suggesting that more may be a result of your mojo getting the Living Daylights scared out of it?  
  
Irvine: Nope, no way. These Thunderballs aren't gonna stop with just one kid!  
  
Drew: YES! (Hits buzzer)  
  
(They return)  
  
Drew: You figured it out right?  
  
Irvine: ….Er…not really, no. 


	4. Squall isn't throwing a fit? Does it get...

Drew: You figured it out right?  
  
Irvine: ….Er…not really, no.  
  
Drew: You were James Bond admiting he had a kid.  
  
Irvine: Then shouldn't I have been admiting to more than one kid?  
  
BM: Like five thousand man!  
  
Drew: Well, anyway, that was great. No points, cause frankley, I COME FIRST WITH POINTS! HA HA!……anyways, moving along, another game for all four of you, the Millionaire Show! Squall, you're gonna be the host of a millionaire show, and Irvine's gonna be the contestant, BM's gonna be the friend in the audience, and Yuffie'll be the phone thing. But the snag is – This is the Redneck version of the millionaire show! Go ahead and start!  
  
Squall: (Ready to eliminate his dignity -_-;;;) Well heylo y'all, and welcome to Who Wants Enough Beer to Last a Lifetime! Y'all gonna say hi to Billy Bob from lastday's show?  
  
AUDIENCE: HEYLO BILLY BOB!  
  
Irvine: Heylo, Faggits!  
  
Squall: Now remember pardner, you're up to five hundred grand beers now! Two kestions to go! Are you readeh?  
  
Irvine: Pardner, I was CONCIEVED ready!  
  
Squall: Alrighty, for five hundred grand beers, What's the head city o Canada? A) EH? B) T'ronto, C) hottawah, or D) Pole-and?  
  
(AUTHORS NOTE – Please take no offense to the mention of Canada. I'm Canadian myself ^_^)  
  
Irvine: Oooo…gitty, that them's a tough question!  
  
Squall: Do yeh wanna call up your mommy in Georgia, or do you wanna talk to your war buddy Joe Bob in the audience?  
  
Irvine: I think I'ma go for my war buddy Joe Bob in the audience! Joe Bob?  
  
BM: (Stands up the audience) Heeey Billy Bob!  
  
Irvine: Joe Bob? A B C or D?  
  
BM: *Hic* It might help if I knew the question?  
  
Irvine: What's da capital of Canada?  
  
BM: POLE-AAAND!  
  
Squall: Well Billy Bob, he sez Poland, do y'all think that's right?  
  
Irvine: I say yes!  
  
Squall: YOU DIRTY STINKING ROTTEN SON OF A GUN! Yeah, YOU GOT IT RIGHT!  
  
Irvine: WHOOOOOO! ^_^  
  
(Audience applauds)  
  
Squall: So you fetched your stinkin butt a half million beers? That's just sweller. Now for da top prize of a million beers, are you ready?  
  
Irvine: I can taste mah liver shuttin down already!  
  
Squall: For one million beers, here's da question- One hillbilly gets into his armed truck and heads down da highway goin a hundred clicks an hour! Meanwhile, another dude in his car drives towards da guy at ninty clicks, when both of them suckers crash into each other! What is da name of da President of da US o' A? A) Dub-ya Bush, B) Slick willeh, C) RIIIIIICHARD NIXON, or D) Binky the Clown?  
  
Irvine: Oh jee, ya gave me a tough one!  
  
Squall: Sure did!  
  
Irvine: Okaaay…Can I go to my momma in Georgia?  
  
Squall: Sure can! Joey-Bob? Get Billy Bob's momma on da payphone!  
  
Yuffie: Helloooooo Billy Bob!  
  
Irvine: Hiya mommy! A B C or D?  
  
Yuffie: Sorry, mommy's a bit drunk on hooch! What's the question?  
  
Irvine: Who's da president of the US o A?  
  
Yuffie: BINKY!  
  
Irvine: Okkaaaay, Mommy says it's Binky!  
  
Squall: You goin with your mommy's answer?  
  
Irvine: Show me the beer! Show me the beer!  
  
Squall: IT'S THE WRONG STINKING ANSWER! YOU LOOSE!  
  
Irvine: WHAAAAAAT?  
  
Drew: *Buzzes*  
  
(They all return to their seats)  
  
Drew: Well, that was just great. A million points to Squall for stepping out of character!  
  
(Audience applauds, Squall just waves)  
  
Irvine: Oh we'll be talking about this for weeks at garden…  
  
Squall: ….  
  
Drew: Well anyway, that was great. We got one more game left, it's Two-Line Vocabulary! This is for BM, Squall, and Irvine! *They walk out to the stage* What's gonna happen is these guys are going to act out a scene, but Squall and BM can only say two different lines. Squall, your lines are "Well THAT's not good", and "Can we go to lunch?". BM, your lines are "Should I stab it?" and "Maybe there's one in the closet." Now Irvine, you're a disgruntled priest, who is wedding the groom…  
  
*Squall and BM look at Drew*  
  
Drew: Black Mage to bride Squall!  
  
(Audience cheers, Squall blushes)  
  
Squall: Okay, you're going on the list Drew!  
  
Drew: Yeah yeah, well remember I'm signing the checks! And go on ahead!.  
  
Irvine: *Holds a pretend bible in his hands* We are gathered here on this most joyous occasion…  
  
Squall: Can we go to lunch?  
  
Irvine: Can I continue?  
  
BM: Should I stab it?  
  
Irvine: You mean your wife?  
  
Squall: Well THAT's not good  
  
Irvine: No it isn't good! Do you love this woman?  
  
BM: Maybe there's one in the closet  
  
Irvine: I'm trying to conduct a wedding here which has nothing to do with LOVE, please be quiet!  
  
Squall: Can we go to lunch?  
  
Irvine: *Groans* I'm taking no more chances, we're gonna do the short version! Do you take Princess Leonhart to be your lawfully wedded wife?  
  
BM: Should I stab it?  
  
Irvine: NO YOU SHOULDN'T STAB HER!  
  
Squall: Well THAT's not good  
  
Irvine: You mean you want to be stabbed by this maniac?  
  
BM: Maybe there's one in the closet…  
  
Irvine: What, a maniac?  
  
Squall: Can we go to lunch?  
  
Irvine: THE DOG ATE THE LUNCH!  
  
BM: Should I stab it?  
  
Irvine: Yes you should!  
  
Squall: *Pouts* Well THAT's not good!  
  
Irvine: MAKE UP YOUR DAMN MINDS!  
  
BM: Oh, maybe there's one in the closet!  
  
Irvine: ALRIGHT! The short short version! Do you?  
  
Squall: Can we go to lunch?  
  
Irvine: Do you?  
  
BM: Should I stab it?  
  
Irvine: Good, your married, KISS HER!  
  
*BM and Squall..erm…pull a "Colin and Ryan" as Drew buzzes*  
  
Drew: We'll be right back to Whose Line, the TV show with the most same-sex kissing on the air right after this!  
  
Stay tuned, when we return with Elena, Zell, Wakka, and Seifer! R&R! 


	5. Wave THREE!

Drew: Hello and welcome back to Wave Three of Final Fantasy Whose Line! Say hello to…  
  
Elena Marshall!  
  
(Elena waves)  
  
Zell Dincht!  
  
(Zell gives thumbs up)  
  
Wakka!  
  
(Wakka plays with a Blitzball)  
  
And last but not least, Seifer Almasy!  
  
(Seifer gives the JBI gesture)  
  
Drew: We're gonna play an old favorite here, called "If ya know what I mean." This is for Wakka, Zell, and Seifer. What's gonna happen is these guys are gonna act out a scene, but they can only speak in crappy cliches and such. Okay, this side of the audience, where's a place three guys would relax and drink beer?  
  
*The audience begins yelling out suggestions, ranging from "A fence!" to "The strip joint!"*  
  
Drew: Okaaay…we'll go with patio! Patios aren't funny…but chickenwuss can make anything funny, right chicken?  
  
Zell: Ah shaddap…  
  
Drew: Anyways, Wakka and Zell are gonna start out, and Seifer'll join in later. Scene is, you're three single guys on their day off. Start when you're ready.  
  
Wakka: So talk about a Seven-Forty-Seven flying into a grand canyon if ya know what I mean!  
  
*Crowd roars*  
  
Zell: That's one heck of a football field if ya know what I mean!  
  
Wakka: She was like a cat pinning down a mouse if ya know what I mean!  
  
Zell: Sounds like one heck of a cowgirl if ya know what I mean!  
  
Wakka: …No, I don't know what ya mean.  
  
Seifer: *Walks up* Sorry guys, I had to pump the Miss full of hot lead if ya know what I mean!  
  
Zell: Mine tried to take a bite of one of my hotdog if ya know what I mean!  
  
*Seifer and Wakka stare at Zell*  
  
Zell: *Holds up a half-eaten hotdog* See?  
  
Wakka: Oh, ya man. I thought she tried to squeeze the whole tube of toothpaste if ya know what I mean!  
  
Seifer: Eech, some of us are straight here if ya know what I mean!  
  
Zell: *Blinks some* Some of us don't date horny princesses here if ya know what I mean!  
  
Seifer: Why I oughta! *Advances on Zell*  
  
Drew: *Buzzes* Whoa, time out! Game over!  
  
*They return*  
  
Drew: Um…okay. Five hundred points for Wakka for staying the hell out of it.  
  
Wakka: Some of us like to get paid, ya?  
  
Drew: Well, anyway, we're gonna play round two of one game, Scenes from a hat! Starting out with…  
  
"Unlikely Character Endorsements"  
  
Elena: *Mocks Tifa's voice* Do you suffer from Yeast Infections?  
  
*Drew Buzzes*  
  
Seifer: *Puts on Irvine's hat* FF Condoms. Better protection than a GF!  
  
*Drew buzzes*  
  
Wakka: Hi, I'm Tidus for Valium!  
  
*Drew Buzzes*  
  
Zell: Have a slice of Zell brand Wieners!  
  
*Crowd roars*  
  
"Other names they had in mind for Zidane"  
  
Seifer: "Child-Molesting Moron!"  
  
*Drew Buzzes, decides to change subjects*  
  
"Inappropriate things for show and tell"  
  
Elena: I brought mommy's vibrator!  
  
*Drew Buzzes*  
  
Wakka: Oo! Pick me, I got pictures of Mr.Black and Ms.Evelynn in the closet!  
  
*Drew buzzes*  
  
"Guys that chicks just don't dig"  
  
Elena: Guys that chicks just don't dig!  
  
*Drew buzzes, Elena laughs*  
  
Wakka: *Just stands there until laughter starts*  
  
Elena: Aww…  
  
Lulu: *Blows Wakka a kiss from the audience*  
  
"Bad songs to sing in prison"  
  
Zell: Oooooo! It's raining men! Ooo!  
  
*Drew buzzes*  
  
Seifer: *Points* Jaine's got a gun!  
  
"Lawyers that won't help your case"  
  
Elena: He did it! HE DID IT!  
  
*Drew Buzzes*  
  
Zell: My client has been a fine upstanding citizen since *Bursts out laughing* I can't keep this roof up, he's guilty!  
  
*Drew buzzes*  
  
Seifer: May I appease the court…that I go take a whiz, I'll be back in a few mintues!  
  
*Drew buzzes*  
  
Wakka: My final summation will be done by Quicky the hand puppet! *High pitched voice* Ladies and gentlemen of the jury!  
  
"TV shows that didn't make it"  
  
Wakka: We're…now round four…of..championship dominoes…  
  
*Drew Buzzes*  
  
Elena: What's gonna happen today on things your cat can't swallow?  
  
*Drew Buzzes*  
  
Seifer: Well…here's the paint…still a little tacky, let's watch…  
  
*Drew Buzzes*  
  
Zell: We'll be back with more senior sex talk right after this!  
  
*Drew makes the final buzz*  
  
Drew: Okaaay, we'll be back with more senior sex talk- I mean Whose Line right after this! 


	6. Wakka sez ''Review this fic, ya?''

Drew: Welcome back to Whose Line is it anyway! The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter! That's right. They don't matter, just like a playbook to the Besaid Aurochs…  
  
(Wakka stares at Drew)  
  
Drew: Anyways, we're gonna play a game called Scene Change, this game's for all four of you. Elena, Wakka, and Zell are gonna act out a scene, but when Seifer barks out "Change", the last statement has to be changed…We are in President Rufus's office, as Rufus, played by Zell, is being briefed by Hiedeggar, being plaed by Wakka. Elena shows up later as the discussion continues…and go ahead…  
  
Wakka: As you can see Mr. President, this is the satellite photograph of Avalanche HQ  
  
Seifer: Change!  
  
Wakka: Look at this picture, it's you in a canoe!  
  
Seifer: Change!  
  
Wakka: How about this lovely photograph of me with the Teletubbies?  
  
Seifer: Change!  
  
Wakka: I've laminated a large picture of a postage stamp, what you might look like when you're old and dead!  
  
Zell: I don't think you're much of an advisorl, I was thinking of hiring someone else…  
  
Wakka: I'm a General! You can't kick me out of here!  
  
Zell: I don't need a General, what I need is a strategist!  
  
Seifer: Change!  
  
Zell: I don't need a General, what I need is a hooker!  
  
Seifer: Change!  
  
Zell: I don't need a General, what I need is Gary Coleman!  
  
Elena: *Walks on stage* What's happening, I heard the ruckuss from-  
  
Seifer: Change!  
  
Elena: What's goin on?  
  
Zell: Terribly sorry Elena, I didn't mean to disturb you.  
  
Elena: Oh that's alright, I was just in the break room having a drink.  
  
Seifer: Change!  
  
Elena: I was just flirting with Re-  
  
Seifer: Change!  
  
Elena: I was outside pruning!  
  
(Laughter)  
  
Elena: I could hear you all the way from the garden!  
  
Wakka: Mr. President, we have a war to fight, and I know you…um…want to meet a child television star from the seventies, but we have to get back to this battle plan!  
  
Zell: I can't tell this plan to the citizens of Midgar!  
  
Wakka: Why not?  
  
Zell: Well, it's full of flaws! Look, this army is attacking Mideel!  
  
Seifer: Change!  
  
Zell: The Salvation Army is attacking a restaurant!  
  
Seifer: Change!  
  
Zell: Why this is me, going after Richard Simmons!  
  
Wakka: *Sobs* I worked very hard on this plan!  
  
Elena: Oh don't cry…  
  
Zell: Look, I've got a plan of my own! *Pulls something out of his pocket*  
  
Seifer: Change!  
  
Zell: Look, I've got a plan of my own! *Pulls something out of his nose*  
  
Seifer: Change!  
  
Zell: Look, I've got a plan of my own! *Plays a trumpet*  
  
Elena: You men, always creating War! Why can't we all just live in peace?  
  
Seifer: Change!  
  
Elena: Why can't we all just make a craft out of a popular pudding?  
  
Seifer: Change!  
  
Elena: Why can't we all just sing a rousing chorus of koombayah?  
  
Seifer: Change!  
  
Elena: Why can't we…quack like a duck, get in a circle and-  
  
Seifer: Change!  
  
Elena: Hey! I'm staying out of this!  
  
*Drew hits buzzer*  
  
Drew: *Puts away a phone* Oh, Wakka? The pope called, he wants his hat back!  
  
*Camera focuses on Wakka's hairdo*  
  
Drew: Anyways…moving onto your last game…we're gonna play World's Worst! What they're gonna do is get onto the World's Worst Step, and give out as many ideas as they can. So this is…World's Worst Co-Workers…  
  
Seifer: Mimi, shut up you fatso!  
  
*Buzzer, Drew glares*  
  
Elena: You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing!  
  
*Buzzer*  
  
Wakka: *Reads something off a desk* You have thirty minutes to move your car…you have ten minutes to move your car…your car has been towed…your car has been compacted into a cube…you have ten minutes to move your cube…  
  
*Buzzer*  
  
Zell: Ah look at the clock! Only seven more hours to quitting time…  
  
*Buzzer*  
  
Elena: You! Off my planet!  
  
*Buzzer*  
  
Seifer: Chaos, panic, and disorder…my work here is done…  
  
*Buzzer*  
  
Wakka: *Holds something* I ordered all these arrows for the conference, but there's a problem, they're all facing the left, and I haven't got the time to re-order them! Maybe if we move the conference to…what's that? *Flips around invisible object* Spooky…  
  
*Buzzer*  
  
Elena: I'm sorry, do they shut up on your planet?  
  
*Buzzer*  
  
Seifer: You look like shit right now, is that the style?  
  
*Buzzer*  
  
Zell: You don't mind if I set down my magnetic coffee cup on your computer do you?  
  
*Buzzer*  
  
Wakka: You each get a thousand points! Let's move on to party quirks!  
  
*Drew hits buzzer for final time*  
  
Drew: Heey, don't touch that dial, we'll be back with more Whose Line and a fresh cast right after this!  
  
Join me for the next update, as the laughs and comedy continue when Reno, Laguna, Scarlet and Lulu join us for Wave Four of Whose Line is it Anyway! Keep up the R&R! 


	7. Wave FOUR! Geez, it's been going this lo...

Drew: Hey, welcome back to Whose Line is it anyway! And we're back with the fourth wave of guests! Say hello to..  
  
Reno!  
  
(Reno poses somewhat)  
  
Laguna Loire!  
  
(Laguna nods and smiles)  
  
Rude!  
  
(Rude nods)  
  
And Lulu!  
  
(Lulu waves lightly)  
  
Drew: Just to recap, the points don't matter. That's right…just like hair gel to Rude. So we're gonna start out with Improbable Mission! This is for Reno and Rude, and Laguna's gonna help out. This side of the audience, give me a mundane everyday activity!  
  
*Various things are shouted out*  
  
Drew: Mailing a parcel! Okay…whenever you're ready…  
  
Reno: I got a tape in the mail!  
  
Rude: *Groans* I thought we were out of the spy business…  
  
Reno: We're never out of the spy business! As long as tapes keep coming to the door…  
  
*They put the tape in a player*  
  
Laguna: *Imitating Squall* A pack of FF condoms? For better protection than a-  
  
*Reno hits fast forward*  
  
Laguna: Good morning gentlemen. How are you?  
  
Reno: Just fine  
  
Rude: Well, I got a little problem with this chick I know, see-  
  
Laguna: I don't care about that! Today at noon, the Marquis of Bijoux is expecting to receive his brand new Hans Gerbrutz CD in the mail, however the CD has gone missing. You are to buy the CD, put it in a box, wrap it, put a stamp and an address on it, and ship it off. Should you get caught, the secretary will shove a note about it halfway through the stack and we'll get around to holding a funeral later. This message will self destruct in-  
  
Rude: *Tosses tape at Laguna* Boom!  
  
Reno: Well, we've got a job to do, let's get to it.  
  
*Manic Jazz music starts*  
  
Reno: Wait, I forgot, my car's in the shop!  
  
Rude: It's ok! My solar-powered cells in my bald spot can power my roller skates! Get on!  
  
Reno: *Climbs on Rude's shoulders* Weeeee! THONK! *Reno falls off*  
  
Rude: Watch out for those lampposts!  
  
Reno: We're here! We're here!  
  
Rude: Who was it again?  
  
Reno: Someone named Gerbrutz!  
  
*They start browsing through CDs*  
  
Rude: Where the hell is it?  
  
Reno: Found it! Hans Gerbrutz and his *CENSORED*ed Women?  
  
Rude: Don't ask questions! Buy it!  
  
Reno: Buy it? I thought you had the money!  
  
Rude: Me, money?  
  
Reno: We can take out the clerk! I'll use my hairball shooter! SHOOM SHOOM!  
  
Rude: God that was unholy!  
  
Reno: Get a box and let's go!  
  
Rude: The biggest box is a CIGARETTE pack! It won't fit!  
  
Reno: Just give me two minutes and I'll have it empty!  
  
Rude: *Inserts invisible cigarettes into Reno's mouth*  
  
Reno: Give me the flamethrower!  
  
Rude: *Gives him the flamethrower*  
  
Reno: *Cough* Ooo, this is some good shit…  
  
Rude: Come on!  
  
Reno: Wait, we need to wrap it with something!  
  
*They look around*  
  
Rude: We can use this centerfold!  
  
Reno: *Stares at centerfold*  
  
Rude: Come on, wrap it!  
  
Reno: Such wonderful material, going to waste?  
  
Rude: Oh shut up and do it now…  
  
Reno: I have to change my pants, is that ok?  
  
Rude: NO IT'S NOT OK!  
  
Reno: We need a stamp!  
  
Rude: I've got one!  
  
Reno: It won't stick!  
  
Rude: You sure?  
  
Reno: Wait…*Rubs invisible stamp against wetted area* There we go!  
  
Rude: What time is it?  
  
Reno: Ah! There goes the mailtruck! *Hops on Rude's shoulders*  
  
Rude: We're gaining! We're ganing! THONK!  
  
Reno: Damn you you lamppost!  
  
Drew: *Buzzes* I think we get the idea!  
  
*They walk back*  
  
Drew: Um…the Censor stole all the points. Sorry! Anyways…moving right along, we're gonna play…Questions only! This is for all four of you. This side of the audience! Give me a place where there's a sense of urgency!  
  
*Various things are yelled out*  
  
Drew: Maternity Ward! Now what's gonna happen is these four are gonna act out a scene two at a time, but they can only speak in questions, and they try to screw each other up. Let's start with Laguna and Lulu…  
  
Laguna: Are you the nurse?  
  
Lulu: Does the ID give it away?  
  
Laguna: *Stares at where the ID would be* Erm….yeah?  
  
*Buzzer, Reno steps up*  
  
Reno: What's my baby boy doing with a pizza?  
  
Lulu: *Just turns and walks off*  
  
Rude: Want a sip of my beer?  
  
Reno: Where'd you get that?  
  
Rude: The Maternity Ward?  
  
Reno: What kind of hospital is this?  
  
Rude: *Chuckles, then gets buzzed out*  
  
Lulu: Are you the father?  
  
Reno: *Looks at Lulu's jugs* Sure, why not?  
  
Lulu: Are you staring at my breasts?  
  
Reno: Got a problem with that?  
  
Lulu: *Flashes Reno, CENSORED shows up*  
  
Reno: *Gawks, then just walks off*  
  
Laguna: *Wanders around, arms outstretched* Where are the surgical tools? Where are they?  
  
Lulu: *Turns and walks off*  
  
Rude: Have you seen my beer?  
  
Laguna: *Slams into Rude by accident*  
  
Rude: MEDIC!  
  
*Drew buzzes*  
  
Drew: Heeey, we'll be back with more Whose Line right after this, don't go away!  
  
Who should be in the next cast of Whose Line? E-Mail the Author at Beretta_M9_Toting_Lulu_Fan@Hotmail.com by 5:00 eastern on Friday, May 17th 


	8. PRAISE BE TO YEVON, WE ARE BACK!

Drew: Welcome back to Whose Line is it Anyway! The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter! That's right, just like a comb to Reno! Anyways, we're gonna start out with a game called Party Quirks! This is for all four of you. Reno, you're gonna be the host of a party, and the other guys are gonna be buzzed in one at a time, but we've given each of them an odd quirk or identity…so whenever you hear the doorbell, go ahead…  
  
Reno: *On an invisible phone* You should come babe, it's a First Served, First Come party!  
  
(Laughter)  
  
*Doorbell*  
  
Reno: Hey, come on in!  
  
Rude: Finally, the Rude, HAS COME BACK, to FF.NET! *Subtitle – WWE Wrestler cutting a promo. Rude walks in*  
  
Reno: Er, yeah. Come on in, try the onion dip, it's kickass!  
  
Rude: Onion dip? Those totally reek of awesomeness!  
  
Reno: Yeah.  
  
*Doorbell*  
  
Reno: I better get that.  
  
Rude: This is some good shit! Oh it's true, it's DAMN TRUE!  
  
Laguna: *Subtitle – "Wired on Caffeine and High on Viagra" Appears* Hey Reno. Do you have a sister?  
  
Reno: Uh..yeah, why?  
  
Laguna: Do you think she'd be interested in getting some action? I've got the biggest hard-on you wouldn't believe…  
  
*Doorbell*  
  
Reno: Suuure, listen, don't use the microwave, I rigged it to kill my cat. Hiii!  
  
Lulu: *Subtitle – "Yuna Drunk" appears* Why thank you, most kindly for inviting me to the party, you asshole!  
  
Reno: Whaaa?  
  
Lulu: *Slaps Reno across the face* Show some respect for me! I have decided to show pity upon your wretched party!  
  
Rude: You didn't say that! TELL ME, YOU DIDN'T, JUST SAY THAT!  
  
Lulu: Oh, I'm so sorry, but I did. Can I stick my boot up your ass?  
  
Laguna: *Touches Lulu's rack* Can I stick mine up yours?  
  
Lulu: Oh yes, you may! Where's a place we can do it?  
  
Rude: RENO?!!? GET THE TABLES!!!  
  
Reno: I hate Wrestling! GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE!  
  
Drew: *Buzzes* Yes!  
  
Reno: And you! *Looks at Lulu* I don't care about your anger management problems!  
  
Drew: Sorry, that's not it.  
  
Laguna: Oh, but you must…*Moans and walks towards Reno*  
  
Reno: O_O;; *Backs away*  
  
Lulu: HOW DARE YOU LEAVE THE DAUGHTER OF HIGH SUMMONER BRASKA ALONE IN THIS WRETCHED HELL HOLE!  
  
Reno: You're too young to drink, Yuna!  
  
Drew: *Buzzes*  
  
Yuna: …  
  
Reno: And YOU! *Looks at Laguna*  
  
Drew: What is he?  
  
Reno: I don't care anymore!  
  
*Laguna and Reno make out*  
  
Drew: *Buzzes*  
  
*All return*  
  
Drew: Well…uh..that was interresting to say the least…  
  
Laguna: Just keep signing the checks, you can say anything you want!  
  
Drew: Don't I know it! That was great, thousand points a piece. We're gonna move on to a game called Film, TV and Theatre styles! This is for Rude, Lulu, and Laguna. What's gonna happen, is these guys are going to act out a scene, but I buzz from time to time, with suggestions for scenes from the audience. This side, give me some styles!  
  
AUDIENCE: *Yells*  
  
Drew: Okay, we got a few good ones out of there. You'll start out doing FF8, at the Balamb Garden Cafeteria, Zell, played by Laguna, arrives to find Lunchlady Lulu, giving the last hotdog to Seifer, who is Rude. And I'll buzz in and give you guys the themes.  
  
Lulu: Here you are Seifer, the last hotdog.  
  
Rude: Sweet.  
  
Laguna: Huh? What? That's MY hotdog!  
  
Rude: Oh look, it's chickenwuss.  
  
Lulu: He got here first, it's his hotdog.  
  
Laguna: But Iiiii'm the one who eats hotdogs here! ME ME ME ME ME!  
  
*Buzz*  
  
Drew: Jerry Springer!  
  
Lulu: So today on the show, it's "First Come, First Served". Say hello to Zell!  
  
Laguna: Hey.  
  
Lulu: So tell us what happened?  
  
Laguna: See, my worst enemy came out of nowhere and stole my hotdog! It's not fair!  
  
Lulu: Well, we've got a surprise for you! Bring out Rude!  
  
Rude: *Walks on, cursing at Laguna*  
  
Laguna: !@!%$#@  
  
Rude: !%$#!  
  
Laguna: !^$#!%$@#!@!!!!  
  
*Buzzer*  
  
Drew: Judge Judy!  
  
Lulu: YOU'RE OUT OF ORDER!  
  
Laguna: He said it first!  
  
Lulu: I DON'T CARE! What does the plantiff have to say?  
  
Rude: I had it first, fair and square!  
  
Laguna: He's lying! I had it reserved! It was mine!  
  
Lulu: YOU'RE SPEAKING OUT OF TURN! Now, what do you have to say?  
  
Laguna: …Your honour, With all due respect, I'm the one who eats hotdogs!  
  
*Buzzer*  
  
Drew: Resident Evil!  
  
Laguna: *As Chief Irons* If I can't have my hotdog, neither can ANYONE!  
  
Lulu: Chief! Calm down Chief, take a deep breath!  
  
Rude: *As Wesker* Calm down sissy boy! You can have your hotdog!  
  
Laguna: Well, that's a step in the right direction!  
  
Rude: Sure is *Slugs Laguna*  
  
*Buzzer*  
  
Drew: Silent Film!  
  
Laguna and Rude: *Duke it out silently*  
  
Lulu: O_o;; *Sweatdrops and walks off stage*  
  
*Final Buzzer*  
  
Drew: Okaaay, stay tuned for the last wave! Tifa, Locke, Kain, and the author himself! 


	9. Season Two, here we come!

[Drew] Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to a new season of Final Fantasy Whose Line is it Anyway! On tonight's show:  
  
Shaken, not Stirred: Quistis Trepe!  
(Quistis waves)  
  
Brandy, no ice: Reno!  
(Spit take with his glass of water)  
  
Gimmie something hard: FFX-2 Yuna!  
(Yuna poses with Rikku and Paine all Charlie's Angels like)  
  
And, I'll have whatever she did: Jecht!  
(Jet tries to drink four bottles of Molson)  
  
[Drew] And I'm your host Drew Carey, come on down, let's have some fun!  
  
-Drew walks down to his desk, sits-  
  
[Drew] And welcome to the long-awaited Second Season of Final Fantasy Whose Line! What's gonna happen here as usual, is these guys are gonna come out and perform for you guys making everything up off the top of their heads, and at the end of the game I give them these fakey points that don't mean a thing. Yep, they're like a thighmaster to Rosie O'Donnel.  
  
-Laughter-  
  
[Drew] And at the end of the game, I pick a winner, and the winner gets to do something special with me. Yep...That's right. I'm good to the Last Drop, Baby.  
  
[Quistis] Ugh, please don't ever say that again O.o;;  
  
[Drew] Anyway, onto the first game of this new season, we're gonna play Weird Newscasters! This game's for all four of you. Quistis, you're gonna be the anchor of a news-type show. Reno, you're her co-anchor. You're Chris Tucker.  
  
[Reno] -High pitched- Do you understand the words that are comin' out of my mouth?  
  
[Drew] That's the one. Yuna, you're doing sports. You're J-Lo reading off a bitchy list of demands.  
  
[Yuna] -Puts hands on hips, peers around for an audience member to use.-  
  
[Drew] And Jecht, you're doing the Weather. You're Fernando Martinez of Emotion 98.3!  
  
-"Eye on Springfield" plays-  
  
[Quistis] Good Evening, and welcome to 59 Minutes. I'm your anchor, Rosanne Rosanadanna. Our top story: Analysts have come up with the final conclusion regarging Osama bin Laden's origin. This photograph as you can planely see, proves that Hitler had sex with a Camel.  
  
{MEANWHILE}  
  
[Osama] ??????????! ( Oh Great, here we go again. )  
  
{BACK AT FF STUDIOS}  
  
[Quistis] And now it's time for me to introduce my new co-anchor, Heywood J'Blow me.  
  
[Reno] -SUBTITLE: CHRIS TUCKER- Do you understand the words comin' out of my mouth? I say, I hear that President Bush wants to make Peurto Rico a steak! You can't do that! Because next they'll want a potato! And a salad bar! And before you know it, they'll want popcorn! It's outrageous! It's-  
  
[Quistis] Heywood, President Bush wants to make Peurto Rico a STATE. Not a STEAK, STATE.  
  
[Reno] Oh. Nevermind.  
  
[Quistis] Please Yevon, take me now. Next up is the sports commentary with Jeniffer Blopez! Jeniffer?  
  
[Yuna] -Subtitle: Jeniffer Lopez issues demands- Now listen up! In today's world of sports, you've gotta be tough! You gotta be mean! And to make sure you are, I'm gonna sue you for ten million dollars if you have to fix a wedge in baseball! Twenty million if you fumble a football! Thirty million if you get a penalty in Hockey! And I'm gonna sue you for a hundred billion kajillion zillion dollars if you ask me to wear that green dress one more time! Back to you! -Hmphs, crosses arms and blows hair out of face-  
  
[Quistis] Try de-caf, Blopez. And moving on to the weekend weather, it's our weather expert, Fernando Martinez! Fernando?  
  
[Jecht] -SUBTITLE: Fernando Martinez- *In fake Latin Lisp* For this weekend, it's going to start out rainy, which makes it perfect for a romantic walk in the rain, instead of having to say to your pretty lady, 'You may have to get out and push'. Drew, if you can explain why I would cut your throat if you made a foxy lady do that, I will give you a big, big, kiss, like I give a woman. But I am not going to give you a big kiss, like a kiss like I give a woman, or even a donkey, because, because you do not know.  
  
[Drew] Well...I uh, I wasn't really up for kissing on air.  
  
[Jecht] Why not, Drew? Am I not attractive? Am I not irrestistible?  
  
[Quistis] -Really fast- ThatsAllWeHaveForFifteyNineMinutesJoinUsNextDayForAllTheTopStoriesGoodnight!  
  
[Drew] -Rings buzzer, ends game- That was interresting. Jecht can have a thousand points for wanting to kiss me. Let's move on to Scenes from a Hat! This is also for all four of you. What we have is scenes suggested by random people that Beretta ran into, he wrote them down, and put them into this hat. -Pulls out army helmet- and I get these guys to act them out one at a time, starting with:  
  
"Rejected Final Fantasy Fanfic ideas." ( Go ahead and steal them if you're that bored o_o )  
  
-Jecht walks up-  
  
[Jecht] You've hit Puberty, Tidus Brown!  
  
-Quistis walks up-  
  
[Quistis] Hotpants and Guns - The Yuna Story.  
  
-Yuna glares at Quistis, then walks up-  
  
[Yuna] Quistis and the Whip Fettish!  
  
-Yuna sticks tongue out at Quistis. Reno walks up-  
  
[Reno] How To Be a Lazy-Assed Turk Like Me and Get Paid For It.  
  
"Little-Known facts about Zidane"  
  
-Jecht walks up-  
  
[Jecht] -Pretending to be Zidane - IQ drops about a kazillion points- As Garnet stood in her silk evening gown, I realized at that moment, that the three dollars I had spent on wine would not go to waste!  
  
-Quistis walks up-  
  
[Quistis] -Also pretends to be Zidane- It's not that I minded all the bashing Drew gave me early on in the season. I mean, sometimes it is hard to tell myself if I'm a guy or not. And then I thought to myself, 'What if I was a homosexual? What if?'  
  
"Unlikely Race Horse names"  
  
-Reno walks up-  
  
[Reno] -Shouting- COME ON "NO LEGS"! COME ON!  
  
-Yuna walks up-  
  
[Yuna] Go "Gonna be Glue!" Go "Gonna be Glue!"   
  
-Jecht walks up-  
  
[Jecht] Coming up on the outside it's "Coming up on the Outside" and nose by a nose it's "Nose by a Nose" and coming up on the outside it's "Nose by a nose" and nose by a nose it's "Coming up on the Outside"...  
  
"Bad times to say 'I don't care' to her-  
  
-Yuna and Reno walk up-  
  
[Yuna] I'm gonna name him Reno, and he'll have your eyes, and your hair...  
  
[Reno] Whatever! -Walks off-  
  
-Jecht walks up-  
  
[Jecht] -Turns on imaginary TV set- Yeah, I love you too.  
  
[Drew] Scenes from Jecht's real life...  
  
-Jecht glares-  
  
"People you Wish Would Just Shut Up"  
  
-Jecht walks up again-  
  
[Jecht] People you Wish Would Just shut up  
  
-Laughter, Quistis and Reno walks up-  
  
[Reno] -Imitating Wakka- You like Yuna, eh?  
  
[Quistis] -Imitating Tidus's voice- Well, uh...  
  
[Reno] -Still as Wakka- Don't gimmie' that shit, I know that look you gave her ass.  
  
[Drew] -Buzzes- Hey, we'll come back with more FF: Whose Line is it Anyway, right after this! -Tosses army hat, accidently knocks over camera- Oh S&!#!  
  
[Yuna] What was that?  
  
[Reno] A camera fell over.  
  
[Drew] Oh S^@$! 


End file.
